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Post by S'ewing S'cubie on May 3, 2005 3:13:40 GMT -5
Aw, crap. I fell asleep on the couch last night and woke up about 2:30a.m., wide awake, remembered Patti and couldn't fall back asleep. I had to check and see what happened, but deep down, I knew. This totally sucks. She asked me to go to that last convention with her at the beginning of April and I told her no because I couldn't afford it. Now I wish I had gone into debt and went. Patti was the very first Scubie I met a couple of years ago at the Cleveland Buffy Convention. We hit it off immediately, as we both loved JM and Buffy. Patti was so generous and warm spirited. I will really miss her. She invited me to join you guys on the board and in doing so introduced me to a wonderful group of people. I was so excited to attend last years' Scubiefest, especially to see Patti again, and I had such a great time. I was looking forward to Chicago this Fall...but without Patti it will seem strange somehow. Unfortunately, my military duties have kept me busy this last year, along with work and family obligations and so many nights I was just too tired to logon and chat...I am so sorry I wasn't here more. I feel horrible. You never know when tragedy will strike. This is what I fear will happen to my Dad everyday; to be here one day and the next be gone. It was like that with my Mom, too. This sucks. The only comfort I can take with me is knowing that Patti is truly healthy and loved on the other side. I will pray for her, for her family and for all of us on the boards who loved her so much. sigh. I just feel so achy and sad right now. How am I going to sleep now? Hi {{Bets}}. You can sit up with me and sniffle. I'll tell you what I did. This is stupid, but I think it helped. I sent Patti an IM. Some part of me thought maybe she'd get it somehow. You might want to try it. Tell her what you want her to know. Maybe it will help.
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Post by betsyAB on May 3, 2005 3:34:42 GMT -5
Hi {{Bets}}. You can sit up with me and sniffle. I'll tell you what I did. This is stupid, but I think it helped. I sent Patti an IM. Some part of me thought maybe she'd get it somehow. You might want to try it. Tell her what you want her to know. Maybe it will help. It's so strange that you would say that. I have, like 40 IM's that Patti sent me over the last two years. I never deleted them. How can I now? It's like having a part of her forever. Like when my mom died and I saved the stupid grocery lists because it was in her handwriting and I couldn't throw it away because that would be like throwing her away. Does that make any sense? Oh, shit. I'm tearing up just writing this. And I have to work tomorrow. I HATE retail. Diane, this sucks so bad. There are no words to say how much this blows.
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Post by betsyAB on May 3, 2005 3:42:23 GMT -5
I'm going to try to sleep now. Probably won't. My head hurts and I want to scream. Her love and imprints are all over this board. As I scan it I cry all over again. Patti, you didn't know how special you were, I think. But I sensed it the first time we met. I still have our JM picture at table 17, or as we called "table hostile 17"! She barely knew me and she lent me 40 bucks to buy my copy of Stormfront, read by James. She was that generous. She was a grand lady and I will miss her.
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Post by Pixi on May 3, 2005 4:23:41 GMT -5
I just finished choreographing "I will Survive". How sad, tragic, ironic, universe playing stupid mind games is the fact that was the song I have to teach tonight. I was supposed to do it last night. I couldn't. As I teach it tonight, I will tell my students this is a tribute to a wonderful woman and to sing and dance it with passion for the life she led.
It may seem that those of us who knew her less than others such as Diane or Vlad may not know the depth of loss you all are feeling but truly - Patti is the heart of the board.
I lurked for a long time before becoming a member. Patti made me feel welcome, loved, a part of you all.
Both Buffy quotes last night were so, so appropriate.
I'm like Rae - Patti will be so mad not to know who killed Lilly, what's on the Island, what will happen to Spydaddy? But I also comfort myself with the fact that I gather Patti had a strong faith.
I will walk through the day, missing her, coming to the board every chance I get and picturing her happy, strong and loved.
I know, that for all those hurting so badly, Patti knew what you were doing. She knew she was loved.
Patti was the richest person in the world because she had friends who loved her and cherished her. Friends who were ready to be arrested for her. Friends who would not stop till they found her. And I know Patti knew.
To Patti Thompson - my life is so much richer for having known you.
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Post by havoc on May 3, 2005 4:30:32 GMT -5
I just finished choreographing "I will Survive". How sad, tragic, ironic, universe playing stupid mind games is the fact that was the song I have to teach tonight. I was supposed to do it last night. I couldn't. As I teach it tonight, I will tell my students this is a tribute to a wonderful woman and to sing and dance it with passion for the life she led. It may seem that those of us who knew her less than others such as Diane or Vlad may not know the depth of loss you all are feeling but truly - Patti is the heart of the board. I lurked for a long time before becoming a member. Patti made me feel welcome, loved, a part of you all. Both Buffy quotes last night were so, so appropriate. I'm like Rae - Patti will be so mad not to know who killed Lilly, what's on the Island, what will happen to Spydaddy? But I also comfort myself with the fact that I gather Patti had a strong faith. I will walk through the day, missing her, coming to the board every chance I get and picturing her happy, strong and loved. I know, that for all those hurting so badly, Patti knew what you were doing. She knew she was loved. Patti was the richest person in the world because she had friends who loved her and cherished her. Friends who were ready to be arrested for her. Friends who would not stop till they found her. And I know Patti knew. To Patti Thompson - my life is so much richer for having known you. Well said.. I posted a little something on the BSG thread in her memory. The editing kept me busy and it hit me pretty hard when I finally got it posted and had to comment it. I miss her. Going to bed now. Hugs all.
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Post by Linda on May 3, 2005 4:43:39 GMT -5
{{{S'cubies}}}
Our world is different today. Sadder, darker.
But it would be so much worse if we had never known Patti.
I am grateful to have met her, even if it was only electronically. I regret that I did not have the chance to further our acquaintance.
I am grateful to be a part of the extraordinary community she helped to create. I'm sorry I haven't posted that fact more often.
I believe that her spirit lives on here at S3 as well as an even better Elsewhere.
But I don't know what I'll do when my heart realizes she's not coming back.
I dread that moment.
Love to all, Linda
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Post by SpringSummers on May 3, 2005 5:40:43 GMT -5
Patti was such a wonderful friend to me, and a part of my daily life.
To all of you, from those who played active roles to those who lurked and prayed, to those who learned after-the-fact and posted - I am so impressed with all of you, and as proud as I can be of you, and to be part of this group.
In regard to Patti, I am still feeling inconsolable; I went to bed crying and I woke up that way. I just loved her so much, and I felt so loved by her.
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Post by Lori DelRossi on May 3, 2005 6:05:43 GMT -5
Laura and Lee shared this sad news with me.
Please let me express my sincere condolences to all of you on this board. The loss of a friend is devastating and I know how close most of you were to Patti and how important she was to S3.
I am very sorry for your loss.
Lori
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Post by Sue on May 3, 2005 6:06:47 GMT -5
Everything that comes into my head is dumb, and self-involved...this always happens. Everything that comes into my head is Buffy-related. Which as first seems strange. "Someone died and all you can think of is Buffy?" And yet, appropriate, in a way only Scubies will understand. We use the lessons of Buffy (et al) to make sense of and relate to this world. I haven't even caught up on the posts, but I see several BtVS quotes already. So far I've had the scene at the end of The Gift flash through my head and, horribly, the scene in the living room from The Body. BtVS colors my world view and in some cases of RL may not be entirely inappropriate as a filter for personal experience. But not here, not in this case, not when thinking of Patti. She is and always will be inextricably linked in my mind with Buffy (well, really more with Spike). As for the "self-involved", Rob, well, the other scene I've flashed on is from from OMWF: "Where do we go from here?" But I think that is for later. For now, the tyranny of the immediate rears its ugly head and I must go. I'll be back later to share Patti-memories. One I will share before going, though, is recalling Patti's first convention report and her story of meeting James Marsters for the first time. What I (personally) most recall is her giving him her copy of Mere Christianiy. I'm thinking that's not something he got a lot of copies of. Patti was quite an original.
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Post by Pixi on May 3, 2005 6:48:41 GMT -5
To all the hurting Scubies - the words of You'll never walk alone from Carousel keep echoing through my mind. And I know Patti never did and never will walk alone and neither will anyone who is lucky enough to be a part of this wonderful group of people.
When you walk through a storm Keep your chin up high And don't be afraid of the dark. At he end of the storm Is a golden sky And the sweet silver song of a lark.
Walk on through the wind, Walk on through the rain, Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown.Walk on, walk on With hope in your heart And you'll never walk alone, You'll never walk alone.
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Post by Jan on May 3, 2005 6:50:33 GMT -5
Everything that comes into my head is dumb, and self-involved...this always happens. Rob, that is always true for most everyone. Including me. I have my feelings and my numbness and the feelings are mostly about my loss, my pain. Hugs to you Rob--please don't chastise yourself over how you grieve. Of all things in life the way we grieve is the most personal and difficult. Hugs to you Rob. Sometimes I see my grief (and there's been a considerable amount of it in the last couple of years) as an expression of my greed--I haven't lost anything I already had, what I''ve lost is MORE--and I want more, dammit. Patti was the one who was pushing me for more posts so that I could become Master S'cubie and I remember how embarrassed I was and laughing constantly as I tried to respond. I found out after the Yearbook was published that she did it to make sure I'd be included. We had IMed several times about looking forward to meeting in Chicago. I want more Patti. I want to talk about CS Lewis with her, and "quarrel" over Spike and be silly together. And then, when I think of her dying in her bathroom, I'm left only with the thought that I hope she lost consciousness immediately. That she didn't feel pain or panic. That's the part of grief that isn't greed. It was a great comfort to me last night to know that there were those of you who would push and push until we had the answers we needed. Who could think of things to do and did them. Those who just joined in the vigil and let me be a part of that. And Sara, I'm so sorry that you had to be the one to actually post the words. How difficult that must have been for you, and how grateful I am at your willingness to do it.
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Post by Riff on May 3, 2005 6:57:44 GMT -5
This is going to be very random, but my mind isn't working right now so please forgive me Who am I going to go to Starbucks with and talk about stuff? Who'm I going to tease on the board about who's taller? Do we still have Patti-itis? Where did she go? Why did she leave me? This was what I feared. It’s hard, as always. Well done to everyone for your ideas and efforts yesterday. I’m still a little numb, but I’m beginning to think more clearly about her. Patti. What a dear and wonderful human being. I felt buoyed-up if she was on the board when I was posting. I’ll always remember our IMs (*laughs a little* including the one she sent me gently and good-naturedly warning me I was verging on politics! {{Patti}} ), how thoughtful and fun she was as my secret Santa, the fact that she trusted (and helped) me to moderate a thread. Mostly though, what I’ll remember is a joyful, open, welcoming, and formidable personality. I think Rachael’s idea of a permanent memorial is an excellent one, though this board in many ways is a memorial. Patti’s presence is here, everywhere. I believe she has moved on to another place and self, something that would truly excite her, I think. Someone of such worth as Patti cannot simply be disposable. {{{{Patti}}}} You will be greatly missed, sweetheart, and mourned. But not mourned as one lost. Riff.
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NickiSorrowing Guest
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Post by NickiSorrowing Guest on May 3, 2005 7:08:07 GMT -5
Patti will be greatly missed, but not forgotten as long as she lives on in the hearts of those who loved her. Several people, including myself, were with my sister when she took her last breath, but I keep thinking that Mal's words are really true--"Everyone dies alone."
Rest in peace, Patti.
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Post by Onjel on May 3, 2005 7:14:11 GMT -5
At work. Not much sleep. Riff talked about Patti gently reminding him in an IM he was verging on politics. I got one of those, too, and she could not have been nicer or more wonderful with her message. I don't want this to seem like it's all about me, but I don't know what to say that hasn't already been said by others in more poetic ways. I liked her and was looking forward to getting to know her better. Tears again, and have to work. Patti, may your spirit soar and watch over the world as you did this wonderful community.
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Post by Karen on May 3, 2005 7:14:32 GMT -5
Everyone's grief is being expressed so lovingly. I love you all.
I don't feel I have words that will offer any comfort to anyone. Today is going to be so hard - as hard, or harder than when I lost my brother so suddenly last year, because Patti has been a part of my life - of me - almost every day of the past 2 years.
She was just a special and loving person. Always had a kind word for everyone. Her Patti-itis made us all laugh as we sat back and enjoyed her quick wit and quirky humour. I looked forward to it everyday and missed her when she was busy with rl.
Above all I'll miss that connection I had with her. I'll miss how she would laugh at my lamer jokes as we tried to make sense of "Lost" and last year, "Angel". I never felt alone when she was here.
I will miss her so much. So much. I haven't the words to express what she meant to me. She will always be in my heart. Patti will always be here and everytime I think of Willow, I'll think of her. Today I feel like Willow.
WILLOW: Well, I can't see Buffy at the morgue and be all royal! "Oh, I'm the king of everything, I'm better than you!" I have to be supportive, I, Buffy needs me to be supportive, I... God, why do all my shirts have such stupid things on them? Why can't I just dress like a grownup? Can't I be a grownup?
TARA: Shh. Shh, darling.
WILLOW: (crying) I can't do this.
(Tara kisses her on the forehead, then on the mouth. Willow returns the kiss. Then Tara leans her forehead against Willow's. )
TARA: We can do this.
WILLOW: Okay. We can be there for Buffy. And Dawn. (crying) Little Dawn.
TARA: We can be strong.
WILLOW: Strong like an Amazon?
TARA: Strong like an Amazon, right.
WILLOW: Okay. (nods, sniffles) I wish I had the blue.
Today is going to be hard. Tomorrow will be better. I know this. It always is. But today...it's not going to be easy to be here.
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