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Post by Shan on Dec 3, 2004 8:40:04 GMT -5
[/img][/center] Dear Shan,[/size] I noticed in your wish list that you wanted something to make you laugh. So I found a short, amusing little fanfic story. Here’s a pic to set the mood:
<snip for space>
And here’s the URL:
www.naturalblues.org/irfikos/HarmonicDistortion.html
I hope you enjoy it! Love, hugs, and (completely platonic!!) kisses, yours very truly, Santa PS> Another special thanks to Mrs Claus. She just loves to put together pics![/size][/b][/i] [/quote] Thank you, Santa! That was huge, laughing fun! And I hope I haven't ruined my chances at any more presents by being so very, very bad and reading it at work. Shan
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Springs Secret Santa
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Post by Springs Secret Santa on Dec 4, 2004 19:31:57 GMT -5
Merry Christmas, Spring! I've been checking my list and I see that this year you've been a very naughty but nice girl. That deserves a special treat! Rudolf has a few gifts for you to help destress during the hectic holiday season.
Have fun. I'll be seeing you again soon! Shotgun
The marriage between the elderly farmer and his young wife was not working out too well, so the farmer consulted his doctor for advice. "The next time you’re down in the field plowing and feel a yearning for your wife", said the doctor, "don’t wait until lunch time or the end of the day, but quit what you’re doing and go to the house."
"I tried that, said the farmer, but by the time I get to the house, I am so tuckered out, it’s no use.” The doctor thought for a minute, “Take your shotgun with you when you leave the house in the morning and if you feel the urge, shoot the gun and she will come down there where you are.”
A few weeks later the two men met on the street.“How did it work out?” asked the doctor. “Fine, the first three days,” said the farmer, “then the hunting season opened and I haven’t seen her since."
Speed Bump
A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought, "Great...he's 4 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees.
No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer."After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?""Just one." gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"
Back Pew
There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the Congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church.
Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Children are a gift from God," he said. Silence fell on the congregation. In the back of the room, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much, we wear rubbers". And the congregation said, "AMEN!."
Always look on the bright side of life... If life seems jolly rotten, There's something you've forgotten! And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
vrya.net/ts/brightside.php
Love from your, Secret Santa
P.S. Just in case the laughter didn't do the trick, here's my special Santa's helper to help you work out the kinks, or work them in, if you prefer. modified to correct 'stretch'
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Post by SpringSummers on Dec 4, 2004 22:07:52 GMT -5
Merry Christmas, Spring! I've been checking my list and I see that this year you've been a very naughty but nice girl. That deserves a special treat! Rudolf has a few gifts for you to help destress during the hectic holiday season.
Have fun. I'll be seeing you again soon!<snip> Always look on the bright side of life... If life seems jolly rotten, There's something you've forgotten! And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing. vrya.net/ts/brightside.phpLove from your, Secret Santa P.S. Just in case the laughter didn't do the trick, here's my special Santa's helper to help you work out the kinks, or work them in, if you prefer. <snip> My dearest Secret Santa! What a treat after a long day of doing very boring chores, to come here and get some laughs. I especially loved the baby pics and the "Bright Side of Life" video. What a great pick-me-up! What's that you say? There was nekkid Spike too? Just a minute lemme go look . . . uh, sorry I was gone so long. But you're right! I almost didn't notice! Sigh. Spike pretty. Spike very pretty. Thank you, Santa!
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Post by Raes Secret Santa on Dec 5, 2004 9:27:46 GMT -5
On your list you ask for motivation to write and a reason to smile. Here's both in the form of a small portion of the audience who very much want to read what you have to say: And here's the muse you requested. You may also have him as someone to love, if you like:
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Post by RIFFS SECRET SANTA on Dec 5, 2004 16:34:42 GMT -5
Merry Christmas Riff! [/size][/center]
Well, well, here we are again!! [/size] *gives Riff a jolly yet manly hug.* [/size] Looking at your Christmas wishes, it seems to me that this one is easy to grant, and so here is your third Christmas gift from Santa! [/size] 8) The ideas for thirty best-selling novels. 1. "The Lord of the Rings" by J.R.R. Tolkien 2. "Gone With the Wind" by Margaret Mitchell - 3. "To Kill a Mockingbird" by Harper Lee 4. "The Catcher in the Rye" by J. D. Salinger 5. "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" by J.K. Rowling 6. "The Pokey Little Puppy" by Janet Lowery 7. "Charlotte's Web" by E.B. White 8. "The Polar Express" by Chris Van Allsburg 9. "The Five People You Meet in Heaven: A Novel" by Mitch Albam 10. "Night Fall" by Nelson DeMIlle 11. "Bridgit Jones Diary" by Helen Fielding 12. "Watership Down" by Richard Adams 13. "Skipping Christmas" by John Grisham (Ho! Ho! I don't recommend this one, Riff!) 14. "Angels and Demons" by Dan Brown 15. "Blue Dahlia" by Nora Roberts 16. "A Series of Unfortunate Events No.1: The Bad Beginning – Lemony Snicket 17. "The Kite Runner" by Khaled Hasseini 18. "Skeleton Man" by Tony Hillerman 19. "The Conspiracy Club" by Jonathan Kellerman 20. "I am Charlotte Simmons" by Tom Wolfe 21. "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time" by Mark Haddon 22. "Odd Thomas" by Dean Koontz 23. "Whiteout" by Ken Follett 24. "A Pirate Looks at Fifty" by Jimmy Buffett 25. "The Time Traveler's Wife" by Audrey Niffenegger 26. "1984" by George Orwell 27. "The Good Earth" by Pearl S. Buck 28. "Catch 22" by Joseph Heller 29. "The Cat in the Hat" by Dr. Seuss 30. "Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austin [/size] Well Riff, those are just a few best selling ideas – perhaps you'll find one there you can plagiarize steal borrow um…maybe one will stir your muse…but if they don't, I'm sure THIS will stir your…muse…
[/size] [/img] [/center] Now I must be off – I have gifts to deliver, and children to disembowel!! Ho! Ho! Ho! [/size] *chuckle chuckle…that Anya…what a card!*
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MATTHEWS SECRET SANTA
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Post by MATTHEWS SECRET SANTA on Dec 5, 2004 21:11:48 GMT -5
Dear Matthew:I have decided to forego Mrs. Claus' help and make my own decisions regarding this week's presents. Frankly, I feel that my many centuries in the biz have given me plenty of experience in rewarding good boys and girls, whatever doubts she may have expressed about my choices this time around.
Ho, ho, ho!I took a good long look at your list, my boy, and I think I've picked out some things you'll really enjoy.First, because I understand you may be a bit thirsty . . . .I assume this next present will prove useful when Craftsman tools just won't do the trick.For some reason, Mrs. Claus seemed nervous about my particular choice of presents this week. Something about the combination of the two items made her uneasy and she insisted I include one more item that she felt sure would keep you occupied. She started saying something about "Charisma" and "flexibility" and "stamina to burn", but I'm not quite sure what she was getting at.Sincerely yours,Santa
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Pattis Plagarist Secret Santa
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Post by Pattis Plagarist Secret Santa on Dec 6, 2004 16:51:31 GMT -5
Patti,
#3 on your list is "Something Funny to Read"
Will this do, or were you hoping for something more story-ish? My elves claim that they don't think you read fan-fic so I wasn't sure if you were wanting B/S funny.
I guess Lesson the Second is: Be sure to be specific when making your holiday wish-list!
1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon. 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. 5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent. 6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp. 8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.9. Flatulence (n.) The emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. 10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam. 12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions. 14. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist. 15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.*** Since Santa doesn't want to get caught being naughty I will acknowledge that I got this list from the Washinton Post.
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Dianes Secret Santa
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Post by Dianes Secret Santa on Dec 6, 2004 22:33:43 GMT -5
Dear Diane,
In reading over your wish list again, I realized that there's one thing that's been sorely lacking in your gifts so far, and it's this: {{{Diane}}}. Merry Christmas, sweetie!In addition to the hugs, I thought I'd pass along a few new avatars for you - I had to do these myself, 'cause Santa...well, Santa's not great with the computery stuff, if you know what I mean. He keeps muttering about having to use "that dread machine"...and really, the elves aren't much better.At any rate, here's a few presents for you, including a very Christmassy Spuffy avatar I just knew you'd love: Give my love to the husband. See you next week!Love,
Mrs. Santa[/size]
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Post by Robs Secret Santa on Dec 7, 2004 7:28:14 GMT -5
Dear Rob, I'm still working on some of the items on your list, in particular that Buffy/Xander story. But I'm not a miracle worker, Robbie me boy - if I were I'd have taken care of the "peace on earth, goodwill toward all" request years ago. However, I did succeed in finding something else to tide you over in the meantime: And while I'm not sure I understand why this item was on your wish list given the nature of some of the others, who am I to argue? See you next week, Santa
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Post by S'ewing S'cubie on Dec 7, 2004 9:23:16 GMT -5
Dear Diane,
In reading over your wish list again, I realized that there's one thing that's been sorely lacking in your gifts so far, and it's this: {{{Diane}}}. Merry Christmas, sweetie!In addition to the hugs, I thought I'd pass along a few new avatars for you - I had to do these myself, 'cause Santa...well, Santa's not great with the computery stuff, if you know what I mean. He keeps muttering about having to use "that dread machine"...and really, the elves aren't much better.At any rate, here's a few presents for you, including a very Christmassy Spuffy avatar I just knew you'd love: Give my love to the husband. See you next week!Love,
Mrs. Santa [/size][/quote] *Dances around the room hugging her brand-new avatars and merrily goes off to try one on.* Thank you so much! These are wonderful Mrs. Santa!
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Rachaels Secret Santa
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Post by Rachaels Secret Santa on Dec 7, 2004 9:27:06 GMT -5
Dear Rachael,
This is a little Fresleyria vidfic to keep you going while I find a good Fresley fic for you. Key word: good.
It's a little sweet and sad, but I hope you enjoy it.
Santa
p.s. Thanks for the yummy cookies!
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Post by Patti - S'cubie Cutie on Dec 7, 2004 13:10:50 GMT -5
Patti,
#3 on your list is "Something Funny to Read"
Will this do, or were you hoping for something more story-ish? My elves claim that they don't think you read fan-fic so I wasn't sure if you were wanting B/S funny.
I guess Lesson the Second is: Be sure to be specific when making your holiday wish-list!
1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon. 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. 5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent. 6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp. 8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.9. Flatulence (n.) The emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. 10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam. 12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions. 14. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist. 15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.*** Since Santa doesn't want to get caught being naughty I will acknowledge that I got this list from the Washinton Post.
Some of these made me laugh and some made me groan! So two emotions in one - what a gift! Thank you Santa! (These should help me get over my pun-fear..)
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Springs Secret Santa
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Post by Springs Secret Santa on Dec 7, 2004 19:21:52 GMT -5
Heidy Ho, Spring!
I had time for a quick fly-by past S'cubieville and drop off a little something for you to while away the last 18 days before Christmas!www.north-pole.co.uk/advent_calendar/#I'll be back!
Love, Santa
P.S. Spike insisted that he come, too. He seems to be under some sort of spell.
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Post by Shans Secret Santa on Dec 7, 2004 20:35:18 GMT -5
Dear Shan,So, you read your funny Harmony fic at work? Yes, you are a bad girl. But no, it doesn’t mean no more presents. You know what they say about some girls: When they’re good, they’re really good, but when they’re bad, they’re even better! But, whatever you do, please, let’s not have a repeat of what happened last year:[/size][/color] Your gift, per your wish list request, is below![/size] Your ever lovin’, Secret Santa[/b][/i][/size][/size]
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Post by Erins Secret Santa on Dec 8, 2004 3:49:40 GMT -5
Erin, Santa has heard you like chocolate. This gave him a wonderful gift idea...but at times, child, it is better to give than receive. Therefore Santa is going to send this to you early so you can deliver them to whomever you choose. If he could offer some suggestions of a few deserving recipients: 1. Anyone who gave your writing negative reviews without offering constructive advice. 2. Anyone who ever doubted you had the talent to be successful. 3. Anyone who tried to dissuade you from being true to yourself. 4. Anyone in general who was too stupid to recognize what a sweet, gifted and funny person you are - and treated you poorly as a result. For all those people, Santa offers this stocking stuffer (with a little help from the hardworking elves at BJ's Goodies): Merry Christmas to them all.
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