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Post by SpringSummers on Dec 3, 2005 22:58:56 GMT -5
Dear Monnie,
You've been good this year, indeed you have. Too good, in fact. In aid of helping you get, shall we say...a little less good? Here's a little something just for you.* *Mistletoe! Oh, thank you Santa! I love it!!!
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Post by Squeemonster on Dec 3, 2005 23:08:48 GMT -5
Dear Monnie,
You've been good this year, indeed you have. Too good, in fact. In aid of helping you get, shall we say...a little less good? Here's a little something just for you.* *Mistletoe! Oohh, thank you, Santa! I will put that mistletoe to lots of good use.
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Post by Squeemonster on Dec 3, 2005 23:10:05 GMT -5
Dear Monnie,
You've been good this year, indeed you have. Too good, in fact. In aid of helping you get, shall we say...a little less good? Here's a little something just for you.* *Mistletoe! Oh, thank you Santa! I love it!!! BACK OFF, SPRING!!!
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Karens Secret Santa
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Post by Karens Secret Santa on Dec 3, 2005 23:37:55 GMT -5
Oi, Karen! Spike here. Yah, Santa, he's a bit busy right now. Prob'ly out abusing the elves or his Mrs., I'll wager. Bloody prat. Thing is, he told me I'd be getting lump of coal in my stocking this year if I didn't do a few good deeds. Can you believe the nerve? Saved the world not too long ago, I did, and I don't even merit a pint of O-neg for the holidays? Bugger! So, Mr. Too-Jolly-For-His-Own-Good says, "William, if you want to get off my naughty list, you need to help me out. You're in charge of getting a nice gift for S'cubied Karen." So, I said, yeah, I suppose I could do that. Nothing good on the telly right now anyway. You asked for something to make you think, laugh and cry. Well, Dawn is always forwarding all these silly emails on to me. Most of it is utter crap, truth be told, though I don't have the heart to hurt the Bit's feelings and tell her so. But I did get a bit of a chuckle from this one thing she sent me. It's called "The New Rules," and it sounds like something I could have written myself. Not that I'm some poofter who sits around doodling in his notebook, writing flowery poetry or some such rot! Not me, no sir! Anyway. I asked Dawn if I could give the New Rules to you for Christmas, and she said that was fine, but to make sure I told you that it isn't exactly...uh, what was the phrase she used? Oh, right. It's not politically correct. It's a bit un-PC, she said. Too right, I say! 'Bout time someone said things they really mean! So, if you're thin-skinned, don't read it. But you're a S'cubie, so I know you're cool. Fillin' in for Mr. Kringle, William Spike P.S. Oh, yeah: Happy bloody Christmas. The New Rules [/u][/center] New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn. New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chilly. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it was a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive. New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blond teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards. New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're gay. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men. New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done. New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water. New Rule: Stop f***ing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis. New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy,half-lowfat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole. New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy. Paper, plastic?!I don't have time for that. I've just been called to do a cleanup on Aisle Nine! New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high. New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show." New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two. New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie. New Rule,and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands. New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't care in the first place.
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Sharkys Secret Santa
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Post by Sharkys Secret Santa on Dec 4, 2005 0:51:29 GMT -5
Merry Christmas!![/size] Hello, Sharky! I am Santa! And I will make your wishes come true. I see from your wish list that you like Alyson, and you want to go to Maui! So I've arranged something special for you:
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Sharkys Secret Santa
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Post by Sharkys Secret Santa on Dec 4, 2005 1:16:32 GMT -5
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Post by Riffs Secret Santa on Dec 4, 2005 2:13:50 GMT -5
Well, Riff, you have been a very good and hardworking young Englishman this year, and Santa is in a giving mood. Therefore, I present you with a tardis, guaranteed to keep your computer clock running on time: www.kaska.demon.co.uk/tardis.htm. What? Pardon me, for a moment, Mrs Claus is whispering something in my ear. Stop, that tickles! What do you mean, wrong tardis? Doctor what? Doctor where? Oh. Santa’s face is red. *digging in bag* Well, I have several different components here to guarantee you are the Tenth Doctor. First, a little frivolity with some fellow travelers, available here: www.prydonians.org/cons.html and here: www.chicagotardis.com/Second, you’ll need the appropriate neckwear: Third, of course, your very own TARDIS: And finally, a lovely traveling companion: Sorry about the mix-up. Guess I had a little too much punch with the elves.
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Post by Sharky on Dec 4, 2005 8:59:19 GMT -5
Merry Christmas!![/size] Hello, Sharky! I am Santa! And I will make your wishes come true. I see from your wish list that you like Alyson, and you want to go to Maui! So I've arranged something special for you:
[/quote] Whoa, Santa! You've had the elves working overtime, obviously. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Kaanapali, Chloe, Aly, and a Ridgid tool... what more could any boy want? Not to mention the white Christmas and the music. Hope this keeps you and the reindeer going for a bit. Thanks again!
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Post by SpringSummers on Dec 4, 2005 10:05:45 GMT -5
Oi, Karen! Spike here. Yah, Santa, he's a bit busy right now. Prob'ly out abusing the elves or his Mrs., I'll wager. Bloody prat. Thing is, he told me I'd be getting lump of coal in my stocking this year if I didn't do a few good deeds. Can you believe the nerve? Saved the world not too long ago, I did, and I don't even merit a pint of O-neg for the holidays? Bugger! So, Mr. Too-Jolly-For-His-Own-Good says, "William, if you want to get off my naughty list, you need to help me out. You're in charge of getting a nice gift for S'cubied Karen." So, I said, yeah, I suppose I could do that. Nothing good on the telly right now anyway. You asked for something to make you think, laugh and cry. Well, Dawn is always forwarding all these silly emails on to me. Most of it is utter crap, truth be told, though I don't have the heart to hurt the Bit's feelings and tell her so. But I did get a bit of a chuckle from this one thing she sent me. It's called "The New Rules," and it sounds like something I could have written myself. Not that I'm some poofter who sits around doodling in his notebook, writing flowery poetry or some such rot! Not me, no sir! Anyway. I asked Dawn if I could give the New Rules to you for Christmas, and she said that was fine, but to make sure I told you that it isn't exactly...uh, what was the phrase she used? Oh, right. It's not politically correct. It's a bit un-PC, she said. Too right, I say! 'Bout time someone said things they really mean! So, if you're thin-skinned, don't read it. But you're a S'cubie, so I know you're cool. Fillin' in for Mr. Kringle, William Spike P.S. Oh, yeah: Happy bloody Christmas. The New Rules [/u][/center] New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn. New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chilly. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it was a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive. New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blond teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards. New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're gay. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men. New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done. New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water. New Rule: Stop f***ing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis. New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy,half-lowfat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole. New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy. Paper, plastic?!I don't have time for that. I've just been called to do a cleanup on Aisle Nine! New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high. New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show." New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two. New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie. New Rule,and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands. New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't care in the first place. [/quote] #rofl1# Oh, Karen's Secret Santa - this is hilarious. I loved the note from Spike - it sounded just like him, and I got many laughs just reading that part . . . and then more from reading the "New Rules." Too funny.
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Post by Lola m on Dec 4, 2005 11:10:45 GMT -5
Dear Monnie,
You've been good this year, indeed you have. Too good, in fact. In aid of helping you get, shall we say...a little less good? Here's a little something just for you.* *Mistletoe! Oh, thank you Santa! I love it!!! Um. Spring? I think that belongs to Monnie. **tries to pry Spring's hands off . . . . the gift**
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Post by Lola m on Dec 4, 2005 11:11:47 GMT -5
Oh, thank you Santa! I love it!!! BACK OFF, SPRING!!!**leaves Spring and Monnie to it as they obviously are working it out like mature, reasonable women**
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Onjels Secret Santa
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Post by Onjels Secret Santa on Dec 4, 2005 11:25:07 GMT -5
Season’sGreetings, my sweet Onjelikins! It’s me, Santa![/b][/size] On your wish list, you asked for a good night’s sleep. I have composed the following instructions for you, which combine hints from webmd with my own Onjel experitise! Remember: I know when you are sleeping, I know when you’re awake! How to Get A Good Night’s sleep: From WebMD Rise and shine. Spending a few minutes in the early morning sun helps your biological clock align itself with the cycles of nature. Bright morning light stimulates the release of serotonin, the hormone of wakefulness, and helps the brain reduce levels of melatonin, the sleep hormone. Have your evening meal early. Finish your evening meal by 6 or 6:30 p.m. so your body's digestive processes can be at rest when you go to bed. If you need to change your meal times earlier in the day to do this, then work backward accordingly. Go to bed at 10 p.m. Your body was designed to sync with the cycles of nature -- including daylight and darkness -- with the optimal time for sleep falling between 10 p.m. and 6 a.m. If you're in the habit of staying up much later than 10 p.m., begin getting up progressively earlier by a few minutes each morning, over several days. This will make it easier to go to bed earlier in the evening until you reach your target. Reduce stimulants. If you find it difficult to get to sleep around 10 p.m., try cutting stimulants out of your diet - particularly caffeine products like coffee, chocolate and black tea - even in the morning. These take a long time to be eliminated from your body, and their effects can linger into the evening. Quiet your mind. If your body is tired but your mind is active, try meditation or prayer. But don't make it hard work -- use a simple and gentle form, such as repetition of a thought or phrase, or just focus on following your breath in and out. Relaxation music is another excellent way to soothe an anxious or active mind. Special Onjel specific addition from Santa: Find the right bedmate: Experiment! You’ll know when you’ve gotten it right, because all the tension will leave your body, and sleep will soon follow.
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Post by Devs Secret Santa on Dec 4, 2005 11:47:35 GMT -5
Ho, ho, ho, Dev!Santa is back, baby!Santa read your list, and read it twice, and if that's what you really want, here it is, delivered by pretty assistant: World Pieces it is!Merry Christmas, Dev!
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Post by Onjel on Dec 4, 2005 12:49:49 GMT -5
Season’sGreetings, my sweet Onjelikins! It’s me, Santa! [/b][/size] On your wish list, you asked for a good night’s sleep. I have composed the following instructions for you, which combine hints from webmd with my own Onjel experitise! Remember: I know when you are sleeping, I know when you’re awake! How to Get A Good Night’s sleep: From WebMD Rise and shine. Spending a few minutes in the early morning sun helps your biological clock align itself with the cycles of nature. Bright morning light stimulates the release of serotonin, the hormone of wakefulness, and helps the brain reduce levels of melatonin, the sleep hormone. Have your evening meal early. Finish your evening meal by 6 or 6:30 p.m. so your body's digestive processes can be at rest when you go to bed. If you need to change your meal times earlier in the day to do this, then work backward accordingly. Go to bed at 10 p.m. Your body was designed to sync with the cycles of nature -- including daylight and darkness -- with the optimal time for sleep falling between 10 p.m. and 6 a.m. If you're in the habit of staying up much later than 10 p.m., begin getting up progressively earlier by a few minutes each morning, over several days. This will make it easier to go to bed earlier in the evening until you reach your target. Reduce stimulants. If you find it difficult to get to sleep around 10 p.m., try cutting stimulants out of your diet - particularly caffeine products like coffee, chocolate and black tea - even in the morning. These take a long time to be eliminated from your body, and their effects can linger into the evening. Quiet your mind. If your body is tired but your mind is active, try meditation or prayer. But don't make it hard work -- use a simple and gentle form, such as repetition of a thought or phrase, or just focus on following your breath in and out. Relaxation music is another excellent way to soothe an anxious or active mind. Special Onjel specific addition from Santa: Find the right bedmate: Experiment! You’ll know when you’ve gotten it right, because all the tension will leave your body, and sleep will soon follow. [/quote] Santa, you ROCK! I am going to follow these suggestions faithfully (I hope, though that means cutting down on S'cubie time )! You are just what the doctor ordered! And, it still works if I can't choose just one of the cuties you rounded up, right? #liplick# You write the best prescriptions, Santa! How about a nice cherry pie, some hot chocolate and champagne to warm you up before you get back into the air:
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Post by Sue on Dec 4, 2005 14:42:05 GMT -5
Sue!
Your Secret Santa has heard your not-so-secret wish for Photobucket instructions. Do you have some juicy pictures you want to share with all the other s’cubies? Because if you do, then Santa certainly wants to enable help you spread the joy and happiness. Hosting Pictures in a Photobucket AccountFind a picture or an image or a graphic or an avatar or a smilie you like and save it to your hard drive. Save the image to your hard drive (if you know how to do this already, skip ahead to the Bolded Photobucket portion of these instructions)Right click on the photo or other image and click on “save picture as” or “save image as” or similar phrase. Some form of “save picture” box will come up. At the top of the box, there will be a “save in” field that will probably say something like “my pictures” or “my documents”. If not, use the drop down menu to select this choice. You may also have a folder or folders within this area. You can double click to open the folder that you want to hold your image. Make note of the area and folder name so you can find them easily later. At the bottom of the box, the picture will already have a file name. You can change this if you want, to something that means more to you. Click “save” to save the image to your hard drive. Do the same steps for all the images you want to view anytime on your computer or that you want to place in your Photobucket site. Photobucket steps Go to your Photobucket account and log in. If you want to keep many different kinds of images here, you may want to put them into folders. If you don’t want to create folders, you can just go to step A below and have all your pictures on this main page. To create a folder, go to the field labeled “album name” at the bottom of the main box. Type the name for your folder and click the “create” button to the right. Notice how the name of the album appears at the bottom of the page. This is a link to that album. To start adding images to it, click on the link and then contine on with the next steps. Before you begin - do you have several images you want to add? If yes, use the drop down arrow next to the “submit multiple pictures” field and select the number of pictures you want to add. Notice that you now have that number of “browse” buttons. Step AClick on the (or the first) browse button. You will get a box that allows you to select a file from your hard drive. The “look in” field will likely already say “my pictures” or “my documents”, but if it doesn’t, then use the drop down arrow to select the place to which you saved your image. Open the folder holding your image. Step BScroll to the image you want and double click on it. The file select box disappears and you’ll notice that there is now text listed in the “picture” field next to the browse button. This is the file for the image you just selected. Do the same step for each of the browse buttons you created, selecting a different image each time, until you have no more empty “picture” fields, or you have selected all the photos you wanted to add. Step CClick on “submit”. Scroll down and see all the pretty image(s) in your album! Step DPat yourself on the back because now you can use these images in your posts. Paste the text of the URL field beneath an image into the usual [ img ] brackets and you’re good to go. And since you said you wanted some holly with red berries to use in your signature line, try practicing and playing with these. Handy hint: Photobucket can do some very basic editing of images for you very easily. Not as sophisticated as true photo manipulation software, but still some useful tricks. Try clicking on the Edit button above an image. Notice how you can reduce an image to 75%, 50% or 25% of your original. Also, you can rotate images that are not aligned in the direction you would like. But heed the warnings. You can’t make an image bigger once you reduce it, although you can reload it again as another image in your album. Santa, you are a dear. Thank you for the step-by-step instructions. Maybe I will even copy and post them on some permanent thread for the benefit of future n'ubies and techno-klutzes like myself. And I'm off now to update my profile with some of the pretty holly you gave me. Love, Sue
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