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Post by Sue on Aug 25, 2010 10:10:06 GMT -5
Sara -
Apparently you have an interesting race in the Dem primary for governor going on in VT. Any comment? [If you feel it is necessary put it over on the OT thread.]
Rachel--
Where does Dave stand in all this? I recall a pretty uncomfortable 5 years when I felt that I was in a tug between my mother and Jim. Although Jim wasn't the one with the issues so it was mostly me trying to deal with my mother's "love me more than your husband" craziness. But I can't help but feel for Dave if he is caught between your beliefs and his parents' -- unless he is pretty grounded in what he believes and wants, then it's easier I think. [Not that this is any of business -- I"m just blurting out my reaction.]
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Post by Sue on Aug 25, 2010 10:11:32 GMT -5
And can I just say I am sooooooo pleased with the (relaltive) drop in temp and humidity.
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Post by Sara on Aug 25, 2010 10:24:27 GMT -5
Sara - Apparently you have an interesting race in the Dem primary for governor going on in VT. Any comment? [If you feel it is necessary put it over on the OT thread.] Rachel-- Where does Dave stand in all this? I recall a pretty uncomfortable 5 years when I felt that I was in a tug between my mother and Jim. Although Jim wasn't the one with the issues so it was mostly me trying to deal with my mother's "love me more than your husband" craziness. But I can't help but feel for Dave if he is caught between your beliefs and his parents' -- unless he is pretty grounded in what he believes and wants, then it's easier I think. [Not that this is any of business -- I"m just blurting out my reaction.] No need to move over to the OT thread, as I don't really have strong feelings about it. I'm intrigued that it turned out to be so close, and there's almost no doubt in my mind that we're in for a recount. So, it should make for an interesting couple of weeks.
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Post by Julia, wrought iron-y on Aug 25, 2010 10:46:08 GMT -5
Oh, and they immediately started REPLANNING her birthday party to their liking. No. Nope, no, no, no, and no. We're having it at a park. NOT here. I don't care if FIL thinks it's not a proper setting for such an important event. We're not asking for the ancestors' blessing and preparing 13 plates of rice that go uneaten, either. It's just like my sister being unwilling to baptize her girls; I will not pretend to believe something I don't in order to make my inlaws happy. Oh, yow. What a bear pit! Julia, sorry for the no-empathy attack!
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Post by Julia, wrought iron-y on Aug 25, 2010 11:56:28 GMT -5
Awake since six; apprently I was snoring. Did a lot of garden stuff yesterday and then didn't shower before bed, never a good idea. Franklin came home at 6pm and then worked online for an unknown length of time; he was working when I went to bed, and when I got my cup out of the dishwasher the clean dishew were still warm.
How the hell do they expect to do without him for two months?
Julia, bleaurgh
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Post by Rachael on Aug 25, 2010 12:14:32 GMT -5
Oh, and they immediately started REPLANNING her birthday party to their liking. No. Nope, no, no, no, and no. We're having it at a park. NOT here. I don't care if FIL thinks it's not a proper setting for such an important event. We're not asking for the ancestors' blessing and preparing 13 plates of rice that go uneaten, either. It's just like my sister being unwilling to baptize her girls; I will not pretend to believe something I don't in order to make my inlaws happy. Wow, that is really going too far. I mean, it's one thing to expect you to respect their beliefs - like, say, you might attend the b-day party of a niece or nephew, where that sort of ancestor blessing ritual occurred, perhaps even participate in some small way. Everyone makes concessions to show respect and be part of a family. However, the key word there is "Everyone." They also have to show respect for your beliefs! This is your family and your daughter and you and Dave get to make the choices. They're the ones who have to take their turn at showing respect and adapting. Good work sticking to your guns. You have to lay the ground work now on this - though they sound like the type who might never stop trying. And we did. We went to Amilio's party, his mom did the "ask the ancestors for the blessing" part, and it was nice. Just not my idea of a fun birthday party...and the religion aspect is really a problem for me. It has to be Mom who holds the baby for the blessing, and asks the ancestors to bless her, etc. Dad won't do (and really doesn't want to anyway), for reasons that I'm sure they understand, having to do with tradition. My sister and I feel the same way. Her MIL wants the girls baptized Catholic, because she's actually afraid they might go to hell otherwise. I get that, and I feel for her. But Natalie doesn't believe, and is unwilling to stand up in front of a room full of people who do, and lie to them. She's not going to raise her girls Catholic, and she won't say she is just to get them baptized. Same goes for me and the rituals. I don't believe, and I'm not going to insult a bunch of people who do by pretending and lying to them.
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Post by Rachael on Aug 25, 2010 12:17:40 GMT -5
Sara - Apparently you have an interesting race in the Dem primary for governor going on in VT. Any comment? [If you feel it is necessary put it over on the OT thread.] Rachel-- Where does Dave stand in all this? I recall a pretty uncomfortable 5 years when I felt that I was in a tug between my mother and Jim. Although Jim wasn't the one with the issues so it was mostly me trying to deal with my mother's "love me more than your husband" craziness. But I can't help but feel for Dave if he is caught between your beliefs and his parents' -- unless he is pretty grounded in what he believes and wants, then it's easier I think. [Not that this is any of business -- I"m just blurting out my reaction.] Dave hates conflict more than anything else, which results in me biting my tongue more than I should and him trying to mediate compromises. Neither of which is fair. I've developed a plan whereby I say, calmly, "In my culture, that's not a polite thing for you to say to me," or something very similar, when they say something that bothers me. Or, "In my culture, the first birthday party is much more casual." And if they want to discuss it, I'll discuss it. Without making Dave the intermediary.
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Post by S'ewing S'cubie on Aug 25, 2010 12:59:07 GMT -5
Sara - Apparently you have an interesting race in the Dem primary for governor going on in VT. Any comment? [If you feel it is necessary put it over on the OT thread.] Rachel-- Where does Dave stand in all this? I recall a pretty uncomfortable 5 years when I felt that I was in a tug between my mother and Jim. Although Jim wasn't the one with the issues so it was mostly me trying to deal with my mother's "love me more than your husband" craziness. But I can't help but feel for Dave if he is caught between your beliefs and his parents' -- unless he is pretty grounded in what he believes and wants, then it's easier I think. [Not that this is any of business -- I"m just blurting out my reaction.] Dave hates conflict more than anything else, which results in me biting my tongue more than I should and him trying to mediate compromises. Neither of which is fair. I've developed a plan whereby I say, calmly, "In my culture, that's not a polite thing for you to say to me," or something very similar, when they say something that bothers me. Or, "In my culture, the first birthday party is much more casual." And if they want to discuss it, I'll discuss it. Without making Dave the intermediary. Sounds like a rational way to handle things. Such are the problems of a multi-cultural society. Homogeneous cultures have it easier since everyone knows the traditions and rituals having grown up with them. Ours has so many different cultures that extreme tolerance is a must for family unity.
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Post by Sue on Aug 25, 2010 13:01:13 GMT -5
Sara - Apparently you have an interesting race in the Dem primary for governor going on in VT. Any comment? [If you feel it is necessary put it over on the OT thread.] Rachel-- Where does Dave stand in all this? I recall a pretty uncomfortable 5 years when I felt that I was in a tug between my mother and Jim. Although Jim wasn't the one with the issues so it was mostly me trying to deal with my mother's "love me more than your husband" craziness. But I can't help but feel for Dave if he is caught between your beliefs and his parents' -- unless he is pretty grounded in what he believes and wants, then it's easier I think. [Not that this is any of business -- I"m just blurting out my reaction.] No need to move over to the OT thread, as I don't really have strong feelings about it. I'm intrigued that it turned out to be so close, and there's almost no doubt in my mind that we're in for a recount. So, it should make for an interesting couple of weeks. IT's the 3 or even 4 way ness of the close vote that makes it interesting. Nobody got more than 25 plus tenths percent. Not a ringing endorsement. Does the Republican have it already wrapped up? (I know nothing about VT politics.)
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Post by Sue on Aug 25, 2010 13:04:31 GMT -5
Sara - Apparently you have an interesting race in the Dem primary for governor going on in VT. Any comment? [If you feel it is necessary put it over on the OT thread.] Rachel-- Where does Dave stand in all this? I recall a pretty uncomfortable 5 years when I felt that I was in a tug between my mother and Jim. Although Jim wasn't the one with the issues so it was mostly me trying to deal with my mother's "love me more than your husband" craziness. But I can't help but feel for Dave if he is caught between your beliefs and his parents' -- unless he is pretty grounded in what he believes and wants, then it's easier I think. [Not that this is any of business -- I"m just blurting out my reaction.] Dave hates conflict more than anything else, which results in me biting my tongue more than I should and him trying to mediate compromises. Neither of which is fair. I've developed a plan whereby I say, calmly, "In my culture, that's not a polite thing for you to say to me," or something very similar, when they say something that bothers me. Or, "In my culture, the first birthday party is much more casual." And if they want to discuss it, I'll discuss it. Without making Dave the intermediary. Excellent approach and response. Makes it about widespread and general cultural differences rather than a personal "you want vs I want" tug of war. Of course that doesn't mean that the other parties are willing to discuss it on those grounds but I applaud your approach.
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Post by Sue on Aug 25, 2010 13:28:18 GMT -5
Springs continues to attract minions via her Spikecentricity thread.
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Post by S'ewing S'cubie on Aug 25, 2010 13:54:18 GMT -5
Springs continues to attract minions via her Spikecentricity thread. Good. We can always use another minion. Now if Spring would only resume her analyses... ... hint...
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Post by Sara on Aug 25, 2010 15:47:12 GMT -5
No need to move over to the OT thread, as I don't really have strong feelings about it. I'm intrigued that it turned out to be so close, and there's almost no doubt in my mind that we're in for a recount. So, it should make for an interesting couple of weeks. IT's the 3 or even 4 way ness of the close vote that makes it interesting. Nobody got more than 25 plus tenths percent. Not a ringing endorsement. Does the Republican have it already wrapped up? (I know nothing about VT politics.) I don't really have a sense of what chance the Democratic nominee will have against Brian Dubie, the Republican candidate (Dubie's the current lt. governor, and ran unopposed for the Rep. nomination). I suspect the reason for the 3-way split (down, Lola) was there was very little difference between the Democratic nominees in terms of their positions on various issues, so their campaigns focused on their differences with Dubie rather than on going after each other. You can read more about it here, if you want. At any rate, it seems like the general election for governor is shaping up to be a tight race no matter who eventually wins the Democratic nomination.
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Post by SpringSummers on Aug 25, 2010 16:38:52 GMT -5
Wow, that is really going too far. I mean, it's one thing to expect you to respect their beliefs - like, say, you might attend the b-day party of a niece or nephew, where that sort of ancestor blessing ritual occurred, perhaps even participate in some small way. Everyone makes concessions to show respect and be part of a family. However, the key word there is "Everyone." They also have to show respect for your beliefs! This is your family and your daughter and you and Dave get to make the choices. They're the ones who have to take their turn at showing respect and adapting. Good work sticking to your guns. You have to lay the ground work now on this - though they sound like the type who might never stop trying. And we did. We went to Amilio's party, his mom did the "ask the ancestors for the blessing" part, and it was nice. Just not my idea of a fun birthday party...and the religion aspect is really a problem for me. It has to be Mom who holds the baby for the blessing, and asks the ancestors to bless her, etc. Dad won't do (and really doesn't want to anyway), for reasons that I'm sure they understand, having to do with tradition. My sister and I feel the same way. Her MIL wants the girls baptized Catholic, because she's actually afraid they might go to hell otherwise. I get that, and I feel for her. But Natalie doesn't believe, and is unwilling to stand up in front of a room full of people who do, and lie to them. She's not going to raise her girls Catholic, and she won't say she is just to get them baptized. Same goes for me and the rituals. I don't believe, and I'm not going to insult a bunch of people who do by pretending and lying to them. Yes - and this may have to move to the OT thread for more detail, but my reaction to the whole "but I'm constantly harrassing you due to my love for you and my wish to keep you from going to hell" is that like you, I get why, if X is convinced I am going to hell, she would be very upset and feel justified in coming on strong. It's HELL, after all! HELL!! ETERNAL HELL!! But what I don't get is why X is convinced that I am going to hell. Nothing X says has ever helped me understand how this makes sense to X. How is it, that it seems absolutely correct to X, that most certainly, I will be going to HELL? Why has X made the choice to believe this? So - I, in fact, don't get it, or feel for X on this topic. Because I have to get A to get B, since B follows from A. And I don't get A. I'm not insulted, I'm not worried at all, but I see it as something that is impossible for me to ever understand. I mean, I accept that X believes I am going to hell, but am absolutely clueless as to why. So I don't get it, or have any sympathy for X's attempts to force-feed me these beliefs, and lecture and preach, and display a lack of respect for my beliefs. I'm OK with it, and deal with it as you do - calmly, with as few words as possible and never actually engage in discussion on the topic (because discussion is impossible - X doesn't want to discuss, X wants to PREACH). But no, I don't get it. (I use the term "X" because there are several people in my life this could apply to. )
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Post by beccaelizabeth on Aug 25, 2010 17:49:52 GMT -5
pretty plus swords
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