|
Post by Rob on Jun 1, 2005 16:36:11 GMT -5
I'm still not entirely sure what to say. It's hard to properly express the size of Patti's legacy. I firmly believe we don't have the lasting relationship many of us enjoy without her. That, first and foremost, comes to mind. From a personal standpoint, my role within the site was much easier. I occasionally wrote stories while quietly advising Patti as she went about her far more difficult job. It wasn't possible to make everybody happy all the time - I can't count the amount of times I tried to tell her that- but she always tried. Every time someone IM'ed her with a concern, she treated it as important. I would generally tell her not to worry so much, that most issues between adults will take care of themselves, but she cared so much...there was always something that should be DONE. At times, in all honesty, she probably did a little too much...but it all stemmed from how much she cared about the site and the people who populated it. When it came to my writing, we had the exact opposite function; I obsessed over every little thing. Every little character nuance, lines of dialogue I couldn't get right, lack of reviews (which clearly meant I now suck), how boring I was becoming. She would tell me to relax, that everything was terrific and hurry the hell up and finish the chapter already. In her own endearingly passive-aggressive sort of way. She was truly my biggest fan. I cannot imagine anyone else so willing to give of their time just to read and discuss a fictional story. We would take hours talking about little details within the plot itself. For example, there was a running joke between us about her constant need to google the occasional pop-culture reference I'd throw out. She'd be inordinately proud whenever she got them without help: "I got this one! I got it right away!" she'd say, and I'd always laugh and tell her "good job!" Then there were the times when we chatted of things without any connection to the site itself; occasionally life threw bouts of depression our way. We would lean on each other a great deal in those times, just letting our feelings go. Those were very dark discussions at times (Edgar Allan Poe would read this stuff and slowly back away), but just talking about them makes the burden seem a little lighter. It's remarkable how much a person's emotional walls drop when they're typing something on a screen, as opposed to speaking in person. Patti knew things about me that I wouldn't dream of sharing with any of my close family and friends here, and I'm sure the opposite is also true. I'd privately expressed concern in a recent IM that perhaps I've become cold as I experience life. It's pretty well-known I've lost close friends and family over the last few years...and though Patti's death has been a terrible blow, I haven't really got emotional since that awful night when everyone sensed something bad had happened, but had to wait so long for confirmation. In the last couple of days, I've asked myself whether or not something was wrong. Patti had become as important to me as my in-person friends, yet I wasn't crying over her loss. The ache is there, but the actual expression of emotion was not. I think, perhaps, it could have to do with my own feelings about death in general. I've often said I have all sorts of internal questions regarding the afterlife; I haven't a clue whether or not Patti knows just how strongly people felt about her. She always worried that her position would get in the way of her online friendships...though she wouldn't have given up her job as unofficial Board-Mom for anything. Patti, like all of us, was a sea of contradictions. Every previous time I'd lost someone - a close friend, my father, my sister - they never heard me tell them how important they'd all been to me. In this case, it's different: I think I actually managed to tell Patti how I felt while she was still among us...and for that I'll always be eternally grateful. Maybe my ability to accept things more quickly comes from there. I miss her terribly...but at least she knew I loved her. There are still things that bother me, of course; she adamantly refused to let me spoil her with regard to my fanfic...and there are only two lousy chapters left. No one deserves to know how it ends more than Patti; I wouldn't have come half as far as I have without her support (for the first time in two days, now I AM crying). Hell, I don't know if I can possibly finish it without her sustaining me. If only I hadn't taken so damned long...but you know what? As regrets go, that's a fairly small one in the grand scheme of things. I loved Patti dearly. She loved me. We'd told each other many times. For me, I guess that's enough to get through. Most importantly, I never screw up "its" and "it's" any more in the context of a sentence. If that isn't a worthwhile legacy, what is? So I'll finish this like I finished most of our chats: See ya later, Patti. Sleep well. I just wanted to say that I "get" this. I really do, but I also think Patti is still here in all of us. I say this, oddly enough, because for the first time last night, while writing, I GOT the difference in usage between its and it's. I've always had fits with that one. As I said, I'm the proud owner of atrocious grammar. Thank you so much for sharing that. It really has meant a great deal to me. I always knew her in the function of her little curly-headed niece and so I got to see more the teacher in her than anything else. This glimpse into the lady has been wonderful. Appreciatively, Holly This is very nice of you to say. I'm glad this meant something to you, even in a small way.
|
|
|
Post by Queen E on Jun 2, 2005 11:43:40 GMT -5
I haven't been able to write any kind of tribute to Patti, because I haven't known what to say. And I'm a writer, I'm supposed to have some kind of facility with words... Today I received a thank you card from Patti, for my work with her on the yearbook. We'd been throwing around ideas for our second anniversary; I suggested a yearbook and Patti, with her indefagitable energy, ran with it. We made her boss of us, and she whipped us all into shape, making sure that it didn't fizzle out, that we didn't fizzle out, even when she was overtired and stressed. Yet she says me a thank you, when without her, the yearbook wouldn't exist. Hell, Patti's energy and commitment kept the S3 alive and kicking when we were about to give up. I don't think I have the words to express how many thank yous I owe Patti. Patti was my boss (well, one of them ), my beta (one comment: "This sentence goes on for an ENTIRE paragraph and, well, makes no sense. You might wanna fix that."), and most importantly, my friend and support. The short story I let her read freaked her out until I told her it was not at all factually based (it was a dark piece of work); then she offered me both praise and spot-on critique. She was always willing to spend time with me, on the phone, on YIM, talking about life: evil bosses, grad schools, the site, and many many moments of analyzing and squeeing over various boy related moments. In her thank you note, she included a small silver pen charm, and said, "You can only write tiny stories with it, but it's a start!" That's Patti: generous, funny, thoughtful, sassy, and wonderful. I will always honor her as my friend, and feel very lucky to have had her as a friend for these 2 years. Thank you, Patti. You saved the board, and us, a lot.
|
|
|
Post by Lola m on Jun 26, 2005 19:00:19 GMT -5
Meant to post this a while back - I think I mentioned it to a few folks, but wanted it put on this thread as well.
I was talking with Dana - in the group sales office of the Carelton Oak Park hotel (to switch reservations over from Patti's credit card, etc.) and she mentioned how much she had enjoyed talking with Patti. She talked about how amazingly nice Patti had been to work with (particularly remembered her lovely voice) and that she was sorry to hear about her death and that she wouldn't get a chance to meet her.
Anyway. Just wanted to make sure I remembered to mention this to the whole board.
Lola
|
|
|
Post by Onjel on Jun 29, 2005 15:45:30 GMT -5
This probably isn't the place to post this, but I got quite a start this morning as I was waiting to enter a courtroom. A woman walked by me and I had to do a double take, because she was the spitting image of Patti! I never met Patti in person, but I have seen her photos and, of course, Wendy's beautiful video. Even so, I feel like that this chance crossing of paths let me have an in-person encounter with the beloved of so many on this board. Stupid, I know, but I had to tell someone.
|
|
|
Post by Lola m on Jun 29, 2005 16:50:39 GMT -5
This probably isn't the place to post this, but I got quite a start this morning as I was waiting to enter a courtroom. A woman walked by me and I had to do a double take, because she was the spitting image of Patti! I never met Patti in person, but I have seen her photos and, of course, Wendy's beautiful video. Even so, I feel like that this chance crossing of paths let me have an in-person encounter with the beloved of so many on this board. Stupid, I know, but I had to tell someone. Not stupid at all. I think all of us are in the place where we keep having these . . . . little moments. When we think of Patti or are reminded of her in some way.
|
|
|
Post by SpringSummers on Jun 29, 2005 19:43:40 GMT -5
This probably isn't the place to post this, but I got quite a start this morning as I was waiting to enter a courtroom. A woman walked by me and I had to do a double take, because she was the spitting image of Patti! I never met Patti in person, but I have seen her photos and, of course, Wendy's beautiful video. Even so, I feel like that this chance crossing of paths let me have an in-person encounter with the beloved of so many on this board. Stupid, I know, but I had to tell someone. Not stupid at all. I think all of us are in the place where we keep having these . . . . little moments. When we think of Patti or are reminded of her in some way. Yes. It's definitely that way for me. Especially working on these Cutie Awards. I know Patti would have been right there in it with Pixi and me - I still miss her and think of her all the time. It still hurts, too. Though I never met her in person, I was in touch with her almost daily in IMs and emails - not to mention the board. She was always making me laugh, and so often, I posted things, with the feeling:"I can't wait for Patti to see this, and react!" So I miss that. So very much. The truth is, she was one of my closest friends. I told her that once, when she mentioned "Real Life friends" - I told her she WAS a real life friend to me. She was real, and she was in my life. Anyhow, thanks, Onjel & Lola, for posting thoughts here again. I think it is a good place to come when you want to share those "Patti moments."
|
|
|
Post by Onjel on Aug 11, 2005 11:00:40 GMT -5
I've been reading in the Old Part Home. I am up to the beginning of Part 4. Nothing brings Patti's personality home to someone who did not know her well, like her posts from when this board first moved from ScoopMe. It's a great place to go to see her sweet, funny and insightful personality demonstrated, again and again. I am so glad you all save these parts. Thank you for the opportunity to get to know Patti better, especially now.
|
|
|
Post by Shan on Aug 24, 2005 19:48:00 GMT -5
I miss Patti and I want her back, selfish me. I booked the room at the hotel for S'cubiefest today. They asked me questions I didn't know the answer to and I had to tell them I didn't know because the person who originally booked the block of rooms had passed away. It hurt because I want her to be there with us in September. It's not fair that she won't be there. Selfish again, yes, but...grief is like that, I guess.
Until today, I hadn't had the...ability...to look at Wendy's video tribute. Now I'm glad I didn't watch it sooner because I've just seen it and I'm still crying my eyes out. I thought I would be all right if I waited to watch it but I'm not. I feel like I did when we first got the news.
Wendy, thank you.
S'cubies, I love you.
Patti, I miss you.
|
|
|
Post by Onjel on Aug 24, 2005 20:17:51 GMT -5
I miss Patti and I want her back, selfish me. I booked the room at the hotel for S'cubiefest today. They asked me questions I didn't know the answer to and I had to tell them I didn't know because the person who originally booked the block of rooms had passed away. It hurt because I want her to be there with us in September. It's not fair that she won't be there. Selfish again, yes, but...grief is like that, I guess. Until today, I hadn't had the...ability...to look at Wendy's video tribute. Now I'm glad I didn't watch it sooner because I've just seen it and I'm still crying my eyes out. I thought I would be all right if I waited to watch it but I'm not. I feel like I did when we first got the news. Wendy, thank you. S'cubies, I love you. Patti, I miss you. #bighug# I am so sorry, sweetie.
|
|
|
Post by SpringSummers on Aug 24, 2005 21:40:24 GMT -5
I miss Patti and I want her back, selfish me. I booked the room at the hotel for S'cubiefest today. They asked me questions I didn't know the answer to and I had to tell them I didn't know because the person who originally booked the block of rooms had passed away. It hurt because I want her to be there with us in September. It's not fair that she won't be there. Selfish again, yes, but...grief is like that, I guess. Until today, I hadn't had the...ability...to look at Wendy's video tribute. Now I'm glad I didn't watch it sooner because I've just seen it and I'm still crying my eyes out. I thought I would be all right if I waited to watch it but I'm not. I feel like I did when we first got the news. Wendy, thank you. S'cubies, I love you. Patti, I miss you. I am so sorry, sweetie. Me too, Shan. I am going to call the hotel tomorrow and it gives me this queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, because I won't be able to stop thinking of Patti pre-arranging this . . . and of how I will NOT be meeting Patti. I still can't really believe it. And yes - Wendy's tribute just could not be better.
|
|
|
Post by Lola m on Aug 25, 2005 7:27:47 GMT -5
I am so sorry, sweetie. Me too, Shan. I am going to call the hotel tomorrow and it gives me this queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, because I won't be able to stop thinking of Patti pre-arranging this . . . and of how I will NOT be meeting Patti. I still can't really believe it. And yes - Wendy's tribute just could not be better. **nods a lot** When I first called Dana about changing the rooms over to my card and so on, I knew I was going to be telling her why. And I actually rehearsed my little speech briefly before I called, which I know is very odd, but it just felt so . . . . to just call her out of the blue and tell her the news. And I keep having these feelings that Patti would have been so much more together and organized about the hotel and the planning and somehow I should be doing something else and I'm kinda letting her down. You know?
|
|
|
Post by Shan on Aug 25, 2005 8:16:12 GMT -5
Me too, Shan. I am going to call the hotel tomorrow and it gives me this queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, because I won't be able to stop thinking of Patti pre-arranging this . . . and of how I will NOT be meeting Patti. I still can't really believe it. And yes - Wendy's tribute just could not be better. **nods a lot** When I first called Dana about changing the rooms over to my card and so on, I knew I was going to be telling her why. And I actually rehearsed my little speech briefly before I called, which I know is very odd, but it just felt so . . . . to just call her out of the blue and tell her the news. And I keep having these feelings that Patti would have been so much more together and organized about the hotel and the planning and somehow I should be doing something else and I'm kinda letting her down. You know?All we have to do is get there and enjoy each other and I'm sure that would be enough to make her happy. (((Lola)))
|
|
|
Post by Shan on Aug 25, 2005 8:19:00 GMT -5
I am so sorry, sweetie. Me too, Shan. I am going to call the hotel tomorrow and it gives me this queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, because I won't be able to stop thinking of Patti pre-arranging this . . . and of how I will NOT be meeting Patti. I still can't really believe it. And yes - Wendy's tribute just could not be better. Thanks, Spring. I think this is why I delayed and delayed booking the room.
|
|
|
Post by Karen on Aug 25, 2005 9:27:49 GMT -5
Me too, Shan. I am going to call the hotel tomorrow and it gives me this queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, because I won't be able to stop thinking of Patti pre-arranging this . . . and of how I will NOT be meeting Patti. I still can't really believe it. And yes - Wendy's tribute just could not be better. Thanks, Spring. I think this is why I delayed and delayed booking the room. {{Shan}} It's still hard for me to think of Patti being gone, and everything reminds me of her and how I'm missing just sharing this silly little fucked-up world with her. We'll all have to have a good cry together when we meet. It'll be a good thing. #grouphug#
|
|
|
Post by Wendy on Aug 31, 2005 15:15:30 GMT -5
I miss Patti and I want her back, selfish me. I booked the room at the hotel for S'cubiefest today. They asked me questions I didn't know the answer to and I had to tell them I didn't know because the person who originally booked the block of rooms had passed away. It hurt because I want her to be there with us in September. It's not fair that she won't be there. Selfish again, yes, but...grief is like that, I guess. Until today, I hadn't had the...ability...to look at Wendy's video tribute. Now I'm glad I didn't watch it sooner because I've just seen it and I'm still crying my eyes out. I thought I would be all right if I waited to watch it but I'm not. I feel like I did when we first got the news. Wendy, thank you. S'cubies, I love you. Patti, I miss you. {{Shan}} There is not a day that goes by that I do not regret not going to S'cubiefest last year. I can't believe that I am never going to meet Patti face to face. I know I didn't share with her what many of you did, but I miss her always and think of her everyday.
|
|