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Post by WinterDreamer on Nov 20, 2003 18:09:11 GMT -5
I agree - that's how it is. Personally, I think it goes back again to the whole sexist society thing which makes a woman feel guilty for being "slutty" if she just wants to enjoy her body like a man would. In order to avoid this feeling, I think many women convince themselves that there are emotions there, even when there are not - and that there SHOULD be emotion there (otherwise, why would society be condemning them simply for enjoying themselves?). This is the message women in our society get from birth - and I think it REALLY screws them up sexually/psychologically (IMHO here only) - causes tons of guilt when none should be felt - takes away from their enjoyment of an act which should be pleasurable (i.e. you're not "supposed" to be having sex w/o emotion, so you can't enjoy it when you do). AND, worst of all (well, not worst, but still...) it also makes it tougher for guys to get laid! I feel your pain!
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Post by Anne, Old S'cubie Cat on Nov 20, 2003 18:09:35 GMT -5
Sigh. Such a woman, here. The guys see it as sex talk, and meanwhile it's making me feel lonely for that connection you're talking about. Double sigh. I'm trying to generalize, here. These are my opinions, I'm not arguing with anyone else. Please don't hit me, I'm just a woman of my century: More women than men, tend to want an emotional connection along with the sex. Most likely, don't you think, because women are more apt to have to deal with the consequences of sex, ie, pregnancy, than the men are. We're brought up to keep that in mind. I'm absolutely not saying that there is anything wrong with women who enjoy casual sex - as long as it's two consenting adults, it's none of my business. Just saying, we're more likely to have to deal with the results. And don't even mention STD's, that's another real problem altogether! Anne, who is still married to the second guy she slept with, and tries to be nonjudgemental in matters of intimacy.
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Post by Nan-S'cubie Mascot on Nov 20, 2003 18:12:03 GMT -5
Not saying it's been easy to "fast", but I think it's probably tougher to go hungry after enjoying good food. Bad food, however, makes you appreciate fasting. Many have been the bad times in my life when I've reminded myself things could be worse: I could be married to Steve Wolfe (an acquaintance and the first guy who proposed to never-married me).
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Post by Nan-S'cubie Mascot on Nov 20, 2003 18:13:28 GMT -5
I'm going now to put up Part 72. Bail at will.
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Post by Nickim on Nov 20, 2003 18:13:53 GMT -5
Bad food, however, makes you appreciate fasting. Many have been the bad times in my life when I've reminded myself things could be worse: I could be married to Steve Wolfe (an acquaintance and the first guy who proposed to never-married me). I think that's one of the differences between MOST men & MOST women--please don't throw things. MOST, MOST, MOST, not all guys would rather have bad food than no food.
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Post by ellie on Nov 20, 2003 18:15:09 GMT -5
Well, you're brave, I'll say that. And I'll also say that men get wrongly convinced that they can and should (as often as possible) have as much sex as they can, regardless of their feelings. It screws them up, sexually/psychologically, just as much as women get screwed up by the double standard. I think that there is emotion involved whenever people interact, no matter what they're doing. That's why I said earlier that it's rarely as easy as you're making it out to be. If all we ever want to do is get our rocks off, we're better off doing it ourselves. When we want sex with another person, it's about the connection, not just warm bodies. S Shanno- A heartfelt "amen". It is a complicated subject and kudos for our board for having such a well mannered and funny discussion that will never be settled completely- I guess I would just want to add that I personally have no problem with the "casual" sex scenarios just as long as the two concerned*sorry old fashioned here* ::)are clear that the connection (such as it is) is consensual -non-binding*although subject to revision*and excitingly respectrul. Now- the fact is that all of those are open to varying interpretations and interpolations-hence the potential for eternal dissent.
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Post by Nan-S'cubie Mascot on Nov 20, 2003 18:16:28 GMT -5
Go to Part 72 and post there. It's not at the top of the board yet and I can't "sticky" it--find it, and it'll move up. Sometime, a Technopagan will come along and lock this part.
ONWARD TO PART 72: NOW!!
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Post by Rachael on Nov 20, 2003 18:17:05 GMT -5
I'm trying to generalize, here. These are my opinions, I'm not arguing with anyone else. Please don't hit me, I'm just a woman of my century: More women than men, tend to want an emotional connection along with the sex. Most likely, don't you think, because women are more apt to have to deal with the consequences of sex, ie, pregnancy, than the men are. We're brought up to keep that in mind. I'm absolutely not saying that there is anything wrong with women who enjoy casual sex - as long as it's two consenting adults, it's none of my business. Just saying, we're more likely to have to deal with the results. And don't even mention STD's, that's another real problem altogether! Anne, who is still married to the second guy she slept with, and tries to be nonjudgemental in matters of intimacy. Indeed. ITA. I'd've loved to marry at least one of the men I've broken fast with, but sometimes meals are great but other stuff just doesn't work out, no matter how much you love one another. But still I wait for the relationship that has both - good meals and good other stuff. Bound to come along eventually.
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Post by WinterDreamer on Nov 20, 2003 18:27:31 GMT -5
You really can't die from that kind of hunger, trust me, I know. Still waiting for marriage. It may be an "old fashioned" idea, but the alternative hasn't made any of my friends any happier than I am. In fact, out of 10 or so of my old friends, only 2 said they were glad they lost their viriginity when they did. The others all said they wished they had waited until they were married or at least with the guy they did marry. OK--sharing now. I'm not going to try to change your mind--you should do what feels right to you, BUT I don't regret a single one of the guys I slept with before I was married, even if I ended up being hurt by them. And I do regret NOT sleeping with one guy. (BTE, I've been married happily for 24 years and 3 kids.) Not that there were very many of them, you understand!
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Post by Shan on Nov 20, 2003 18:45:20 GMT -5
Sigh. Such a woman, here. The guys see it as sex talk, and meanwhile it's making me feel lonely for that connection you're talking about. Double sigh. LOL. Missing both and married. How pathetic is that?
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Post by Shan on Nov 20, 2003 18:50:30 GMT -5
I'm trying to generalize, here. These are my opinions, I'm not arguing with anyone else. Please don't hit me, I'm just a woman of my century: More women than men, tend to want an emotional connection along with the sex. Most likely, don't you think, because women are more apt to have to deal with the consequences of sex, ie, pregnancy, than the men are. We're brought up to keep that in mind. I'm absolutely not saying that there is anything wrong with women who enjoy casual sex - as long as it's two consenting adults, it's none of my business. Just saying, we're more likely to have to deal with the results. And don't even mention STD's, that's another real problem altogether! Anne, who is still married to the second guy she slept with, and tries to be nonjudgemental in matters of intimacy. I think also that women tend to make an emotional connection of whatever kind they can in whatever relationship they're having, not necessarily a sexual or romantic one. Most women like to connect on an emotional level with the people they interact with even in everyday situations. I won't go so far as to say whether that's cultural or biological or even a bit of both; just saying what my observation of life is. S
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Post by DaveCrenshaw on Nov 21, 2003 6:28:13 GMT -5
Good times. (Sorry, Dave. It's just so hard to resist a straight line. Especially on Thursdays.) You and Robin Atkin-Downes. In Nashville, he must have said that line about a thousand times. It's a shame he only got to play one snake demon, because as it turns out, he's a pretty cool guy -- and looks remarkably evil, so he'd make a really cool evil wizard or something.
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Post by DaveCrenshaw on Nov 21, 2003 6:34:58 GMT -5
I agree - that's how it is. Personally, I think it goes back again to the whole sexist society thing which makes a woman feel guilty for being "slutty" if she just wants to enjoy her body like a man would. In order to avoid this feeling, I think many women convince themselves that there are emotions there, even when there are not - and that there SHOULD be emotion there (otherwise, why would society be condemning them simply for enjoying themselves?). This is the message women in our society get from birth - and I think it REALLY screws them up sexually/psychologically (IMHO here only) - causes tons of guilt when none should be felt - takes away from their enjoyment of an act which should be pleasurable (i.e. you're not "supposed" to be having sex w/o emotion, so you can't enjoy it when you do). AND, worst of all (well, not worst, but still...) it also makes it tougher for guys to get laid! I have good news (and no, I didn't switch my car insurance to GEICO, thanks for asking). In my experience, women are more and more starting to let go of that old stigma and just allow themselves to be sexual beings as much as guys; "slut" seems to be losing it's place in the English vocabulary. I know for me personally, lately it seems that sex is entering the equation much, much sooner than it used to (in a couple of instances, by the first or second date). So there is hope.
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