Thank you all for the really kind words about Clean Sheets.
Obviously I am not a "real" writer. Never have much been able to find other peoples voices; they always wind up tainted by my own. I can edit, punch up, and in general have fun, but when it comes to serious writing...well, some call it humility..I call it "I know better than to try." Nothing is worse than a so-so writer trying to take his work seriously.
The inspiration for Clean Sheets? The episode ending with he initiative offering to take out Spike's chip. As I remember, it was the first episode after a bit of a hiatus. And, in truth, it wasn't the finest of episodes. But it was fresh and it moved the story along. Everyone was abuzz, chitter-chatting about would she/wouldn't she... And I never had a doubt. I knew she would. The only thing I could have seen was Spike insisting it stay. But, I doubted that. Spike needed his fangs back. He needed to be complete in order to be fully redeemed or redeemable. So... Clean Sheets was born.
Thoughts:
Poetry
In season 5 we find out that Spike/William was a poet and a bad one to boot. As most of us writers have dabbled in the medium for at least personal gratification, we know that even the worst poetry means something for the person that wrote it. At it's best, poetry is an almost unconscious window into a person's "idealized" soul. It might not be about WHO they are, but it often tell you who they WISH they were. Sot of an inkblot test showing what is on their minds and what they are wrestling with.
So, the choice of William as poet was a great one. It fits. Spike boasts far too much to truly be secure in himself. His poetic, "sissy" side has always been evident. His "seeing into others...beyond their rhetoric...a mark of the poetic person.
I had always wondered if Spike wrote poetry post-vampification. We know that Angel/Angelus draws. More than once we have seen him turn out a fantastic sketch. (Jenny Calendar...several times in AtS). But what about Spike and his poetry? Then it kind of hit me... mostly when I started the story...that Spike probably hadn't written poetry since his turning. Poetry comes from the heart...from the soul. Drawing.. its a thing that travels from the eye to the brain to the hand. Well, more or less. But poetry... one has to FEEL for poetry. So I think poetry is tied to the soul. As an unsouled vampire, Spike probably didn't desire to write poetry...not to mention his whole trying to compensate for the "geek side of him issues", his adopted lower class british speech, etc. He wanted to be rough and tumble, not a nancy boy poet. But once he had regained his soul...his love for Buffy...his inability to resolve the situation and being forced to watch and, most of all, to wait patiently... these are the circumstances that breed poetry.
And so he wrote. Believe it or not, when I wrote the first line of the short story (I like the term "ficlet" or "Snippit Fic") I had no idea that poetry would even be involved. I was going to explore Buffy's feelings for Spike..somehow. We all wanted to know what she felt or thought. That was my motivation. The poetry thing.. well that jsut flowed from me. I do write poetry...I have a website full of it. And I know what its like to wait for a woman to love you that you love with all your heart. And finally.. you realize that the only thing you can do is wait. But you have your poetry... some that you can show her...some that you reserve because it would jsut terrify her or drive her into denial. That is where Spike's poetry comes from.
Concerning his poetry. I think it's a success. Funny I would feel that because it's not very good. But it does say what I think he felt. I wanted it to be...real. William was not a good poet. But I think that is mostly because he tried too hard. He wanted to impress. Souled Spike's poetry was merely for Spike. It was his doodle board. His way to get the circle of thoughts that bottle up and drive you insane out of his head . So his poetry for Buffy is "real", it's from the heart/soul.
Soul
Let's talk about that again for a second. Spike now has his soul. Personally...I think that was touched far too lightly upon in the season. Spike has his friggin SOUL! He earned it. He loved so much as an unsouless thing that he managed to do the impossible. And Buffy... well, come on... if an evil person loved you so much that they turned their life around, tried to do right...even told you to kill them because they were afraid of doing wrong again... wouldn't you have to kinda... I don't know.. I have to think I would be very impressed with that person. Buffy...never really seemed to go there. Well, I wanted to rectify that. And I tried to do it with the poetry/soul connection. I thought "Okay.. this is where it hits her...damn! He's got a soul.. he's good...he tries... he honestly loves me.. he's done everything in the world to try and be with me." The only thing I ever felt standing between them was his lack of soul. I felt like Buffy was far over her "normal" life scenarios... wanting children..etc. Spike in so many ways is her perfect mate. And I felt like the soul would clinch it for her. And the poetry. Poetry from the heart defintiely sways a woman's passions.
Joyce
Several of you mentioned the Joyce connection in the story. I always liked Joyce and I missed her (and I think the show missed her, too) after she died. Spike and Joyce had a... special bond. Spike liked the gal.. even "evil" he liked her. I think he saw a woman very like his mum, who we find out later he truly loved. Spike appreciates strong women. Joyce was strong. There is a lot of Buffy in Joyce. The stubborness factor. Them both (Spiek and Joyce) enjoying passions jsut kind of cemented that. Of course... when I was searching about for some way to bring out hte softer side of Spike, that is what I thought of.. his lvoe of Passions and of Joyce. And somehow, I could jsut see our restless Spike, chained to the wall in the basement...restless as a caged tiger, finding the old stash of romance novels and reading hte heck out of them. Especially since I he was longing for love. It was natural.
Finally, Clean Sheets
I have to laugh...I wrote the whole thing before titling it. The bed-clothes thing was jsut an excuse to get Buffy into the basement, into Spike's domain. And of course, we had already seen her take care of him that season. So, if he was going to have some surgery, you can be sure she'd make a nice place for him to recupuerate. It seemed a natural reason for her to be there. I wrote the whole blessed thing, minorly proofed it, before deciding I needed a title for it. Then the whole symbolism of the "Clean Sheets" hit me. It was truly unwitting guys. Believe it or not.
As a final note...I wrote the "ficlet" in about an hour maybe. It was a truly inspired thing. I wrote it from top to bottom almost completely, with hardly any "revision." In fact, I have probably spent nearly the same amount of time deconstructing it here. *L* I know it shows in the work...and I have often thought about "fixing the errors" in it but... well, I am just like that. I let things stand on their own once I am finished. Not exactly a polished author thing to do, but I rarely revise. I would if I were writing a novel or something, but somehow, seeing the warts...I remember it's me and that it's mine.
So finally, thank you for all your kind words. I appreciate them greatly. I was hesitant about putting it up on the site. As I mentioned in the opening, I am not a real writer. So, it was with trepiditon that I elected to post among the amazing collection of hte real thing we have here. I was well received and it made me feel good.
Should any of you care to see my real poetry, my website, Places I've Been, is at:
www.geocities.com/vladski_2I have a lot of poetry there as well as some of my artwork. But the crowning achievement, an ongoing work called "Ellyn's Bedtime Story". If you liked The Princess Bride... give it a try. And get past the first chapter cause it gets better *L*
Vlad
:'(happy tears.
