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Post by Rob on Dec 16, 2003 22:40:00 GMT -5
Okay. 21 is young. So now I understand. More than one thing, actually - she's kinda daughter/sister in one, with that age gap, huh? Yes. Especially with the death of our father when she was 12. Carmen's had a tough road at times; there is no one on earth more important to me. That's why I struggle a little. I wonder when it's a good time to be her friend (as in driving across town to pay the tab) or a well-meaning bad guy (tell her she has to deal with it on her own). She's very bright, though. There's all kinds of potential in her. That's why I worry so much. Frankly, I don't want her to entirely turn out like I did. Which is not to say that my life is a total miserable failure...but I made some stupid choices as a younger man with regard to my education (or lack thereof in this case). Plus, hey...still single and never married at 33. I want her to pursue a career that can make her happy and independent without having to struggle as much as I do. The key word there being independent. She can be so...needy. Especially when it comes to guys; I have these nightmarish visions of her quitting school to get married. I've seen too many unhappy women who didn't take care of themselves first...I keep telling her to make herself happy first, then she can be more comfortable in a relationship. That is my single biggest fear: Carmen deciding she'll be taken care of by some man. I even made up a little saying for her: It is very difficult to be in a meaningful, 50-50 relationship with anyone unless you are financially able to walk away from it if you have to. She hates that saying, by the way. Probably because I repeat it too often.  I just see too many miserable people who feel trapped in their relationship because they couldn't take care of themselves without their partner's income. Sorry for the sermon. I was going to do some writing tonight, but I wound up in here again. I think I'll give that a shot now. Thanks for the ear. |
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Post by Patti - S'cubie Cutie on Dec 16, 2003 22:44:32 GMT -5
Hey! That is one of my favorites too. I even have it as an audio book. Just that I'd pop in and share that with you... now I'm off to bed. Night all. Good night all as well, I'm going to actually go to bed tonight! |
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Post by Rachael on Dec 16, 2003 23:00:01 GMT -5
Yes. Especially with the death of our father when she was 12. Carmen's had a tough road at times; there is no one on earth more important to me. That's why I struggle a little. I wonder when it's a good time to be her friend (as in driving across town to pay the tab) or a well-meaning bad guy (tell her she has to deal with it on her own). She's very bright, though. There's all kinds of potential in her. That's why I worry so much. Frankly, I don't want her to entirely turn out like I did. Which is not to say that my life is a total miserable failure...but I made some stupid choices as a younger man with regard to my education (or lack thereof in this case). Plus, hey...still single and never married at 33. I want her to pursue a career that can make her happy and independent without having to struggle as much as I do. The key word there being independent. She can be so...needy. Especially when it comes to guys; I have these nightmarish visions of her quitting school to get married. I've seen too many unhappy women who didn't take care of themselves first...I keep telling her to make herself happy first, then she can be more comfortable in a relationship. That is my single biggest fear: Carmen deciding she'll be taken care of by some man. I even made up a little saying for her: It is very difficult to be in a meaningful, 50-50 relationship with anyone unless you are financially able to walk away from it if you have to. She hates that saying, by the way. Probably because I repeat it too often. I just see too many miserable people who feel trapped in their relationship because they couldn't take care of themselves without their partner's income. Sorry for the sermon. I was going to do some writing tonight, but I wound up in here again. I think I'll give that a shot now. Thanks for the ear. Always glad to lend an ear. . . . For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing tonight. Despite my teasing. I'd never leave my sister hanging (not that she ever needs me financially), and if it was my daughter - she'd get the money, followed by a brief lecture about not having this happen again. I was raised in a family that believes if someone needs money (even a little), you give it to them. And you're right to worry about the neediness thing; been there myself. Never in a financial sense, but still - it was hard for me to learn that I needed to be happy as me and with me before I could have a good relationship with somone else. Still looking for it, since the last one was the one where I discovered how bad it is to feel like your life is over because someone you love leaves you. Scared me a lot to realize what an unhealthy place I was in. But watch it with the "33 and never married" stuff. 30 here, also never married, and not for lack of willingness. It's the only real worry I have in life - going through the rest of it without someone to share it with. It's about learning who you are and what you want and need, and if that takes 35 years, then it takes 35 years. |
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Post by Rachael on Dec 16, 2003 23:03:18 GMT -5
Whoa. Got a little serious in here.
I was gonna say penis, but that's getting kind of tired.
Hmm. . .well, since I'm alone, I'm gonna lock up and take off for a while. Still early here, so I might check back in later.
Off to slay the laundry!
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Post by Rob on Dec 16, 2003 23:33:54 GMT -5
Always glad to lend an ear. . . . For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing tonight. Despite my teasing. I'd never leave my sister hanging (not that she ever needs me financially), and if it was my daughter - she'd get the money, followed by a brief lecture about not having this happen again. I was raised in a family that believes if someone needs money (even a little), you give it to them. And you're right to worry about the neediness thing; been there myself. Never in a financial sense, but still - it was hard for me to learn that I needed to be happy as me and with me before I could have a good relationship with somone else. Still looking for it, since the last one was the one where I discovered how bad it is to feel like your life is over because someone you love leaves you. Scared me a lot to realize what an unhealthy place I was in. But watch it with the "33 and never married" stuff. 30 here, also never married, and not for lack of willingness. It's the only real worry I have in life - going through the rest of it without someone to share it with. It's about learning who you are and what you want and need, and if that takes 35 years, then it takes 35 years. For the record, I should apologize for generalizing. In the first post I talked about women feeling trapped, when I really should have said people. There are also a goodly number of men who feel constrained because their partners make more money than they do. Anyway, my sister and I have a lot in common. When I told her I'm writing BTVS stories on the 'Net (no one else in my RL has a clue), she confessed that she writes Harry Potter fanfic! Which I found pretty cool. |
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Post by Rob on Dec 16, 2003 23:35:25 GMT -5
Whoa. Got a little serious in here. I was gonna say penis, but that's getting kind of tired. Huh. Mine doesn't seem to be the least bit tired. ;D I can't believe I just said that. |
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Post by RAKSHA on Dec 16, 2003 23:53:35 GMT -5
Restaurant. The word "necessary" used to trip me up all the time. Tomorrow always did, too. I'm usually a decent speller; but didn't learn how to properly spell 'necessary' until my late 20's. And I was so shocked to find out that the month after January has TWO 'r's in it - I'd thought it was 'Febuary', not 'February'. I used to trip over the spelling of RESUSCITATE until I started using a phrase of my own devising to remind me - 'Jesus gives a ticket' - because RESUS is spelled like Jesus, and CITATE is a verb form of CITATION, which is another word for traffic/parking ticket. GAIL  |
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Post by Laura on Dec 16, 2003 23:58:21 GMT -5
Funny, I think weiner is spelled that way, yet weenie is not. Eddie Izzard (one of my favorite comedians) does a hilarious little piece on spelling and pronunciation in the English language.
You're a wonderful brother, and a wonderful man, Rob -- and someday, there'll be a wonderful woman around who appreciates you enough to tell you so!
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Post by Rachael on Dec 17, 2003 0:05:53 GMT -5
For the record, I should apologize for generalizing. In the first post I talked about women feeling trapped, when I really should have said people. There are also a goodly number of men who feel constrained because their partners make more money than they do. Anyway, my sister and I have a lot in common. When I told her I'm writing BTVS stories on the 'Net (no one else in my RL has a clue), she confessed that she writes Harry Potter fanfic! Which I found pretty cool. No offense was taken, BTW. It does tend more often to be women who are trapped by needing their partners' income. I've found that many men (and again, this is only a generalization) feel threatened if they know that you make more money than they do. Of course, the best of them don't worry about it one way or the other. |
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Post by Rachael on Dec 17, 2003 0:07:13 GMT -5
Huh. Mine doesn't seem to be the least bit tired. ;D I can't believe I just said that. I kinda lobbed it out there, hoping someone would hit it back.  Boy - Wednesday's starting early around here. |
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Post by Rachael on Dec 17, 2003 0:09:40 GMT -5
I loved Dress to Kill "You say 'erb,' and we say 'herb' -- because there's a f*****g 'h' in it!"
You're a wonderful brother, and a wonderful man, Rob -- and someday, there'll be a wonderful woman around who appreciates you enough to tell you so!
One who's not an internet pal, I guess. Rob's got lots of wonderful women around who tell him so. It's interesting the "herb" thing - given how often Brits DROP the first "h". Okay. My mind seems to be going. Getting sleepy. |
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Post by Rob on Dec 17, 2003 1:24:11 GMT -5
I loved Dress to Kill "You say 'erb,' and we say 'herb' -- because there's a f*****g 'h' in it!"
You're a wonderful brother, and a wonderful man, Rob -- and someday, there'll be a wonderful woman around who appreciates you enough to tell you so!
First of all, you're embarrassing me, but thank you for the wonderful man comments. Secondly, I'm glad someone else out there saw "Dress To Kill." I've seen it several times now, and I laugh hard every time...even though I know what's coming next. I don't generally fancy most British humour, but he's a definite exception. |
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Post by Rob on Dec 17, 2003 1:32:18 GMT -5
One who's not an internet pal, I guess. Rob's got lots of wonderful women around who tell him so. It's interesting the "herb" thing - given how often Brits DROP the first "h". Okay. My mind seems to be going. Getting sleepy. I always thought the British pronounced herb with a silent 'h' actually. In fairness to me, though, I never paid all that much attention. Either way, Eddie Izzard rocks. Yes, I know I'm being repetitive with that...but I think a lot of S'cubies would like him too. He's sort of a well-read person's kind of comic. |
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Post by Wendy on Dec 17, 2003 1:57:05 GMT -5
Laura, I just love Miss KittyFantastico's little red Christmas bow. |
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Post by Wendy on Dec 17, 2003 2:04:20 GMT -5
I'll go with "Thai Place". Which reminds me, I need to psych myself up for going out tomorrow; I have a dentist appointment at 2pm, and should leave early, maybe get some shopping done, and go get a blood test and buy a couple of things at the pharmacy while I'm there, but I've gone through a whole roll of TP today for blotting my nose and the weather looks dark, cold, wet and nasty... and I have to do it all on the kind of small-town bus system that think's 40 minute waits for the bus to hospital row is perfectly sensible. Thai food might be the bait I need. Maybe. Or waking up to the near miracle of no rain. Julia, who is a weather weinie at the best of times, and the best of times is not December Julia, you must try Puff's Plus with lotion. I suffer from year round allergies and the Puff's feel so much better than TP. Just trying to be helpful, not trying to butt in. Wendy |
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I just see too many miserable people who feel trapped in their relationship because they couldn't take care of themselves without their partner's income.
