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Post by Nan-S'cubie Mascot on Nov 18, 2003 22:08:39 GMT -5
To me at least, Karen, this haiku has problems not in terms of its form but in terms of unclear content.
Vampires with a soul Connected to one another Their story is gold
The second line has 8 syllables, a traditionally acceptable variation.
My first trouble is with the last line: I don't know what it means. It's gold instead of green or red (for instance)? It's sold for money? I don't yet see what the precious metal, or the color gold, or money (all meanings of "gold") have to do with anything here.
And going by the poem itself, I'd think there were two or more vampires connected via ONE soul. I know that's not what you meant (or I assume it isn't), but it's what you said. So I find the poem unclear and possibly misleading in its content. Your images have to be sharp and your wording precise with so little space to play around in.
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Post by Rachael on Nov 18, 2003 22:10:32 GMT -5
ARGH! Must vent a moment. . . .
In his first full day of office, California Governor (oh, the pain) Arnold Schwartzenegger:
1) Repealed the increase in the car tax, which goes to fund fire departments and police
and
2) Proposed borrowing up to $15 billion in order to balance the state budget.
Surprise, Arnie - there was no secret book to open up and reveal all the extra money.
And boy do I hate it when insanely rich men in positions of power use it to give money to other rich people.
GRR, ARGH.
Okay, dinner now. As you were.
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Post by Karen on Nov 18, 2003 22:10:45 GMT -5
SandyShores wrote: Something strange went on when you posted this, cuz I only saw it when I went back to see what someone had posted earlier, so maybe some of us missed it the first time. I really like it. Maybe reposting it will get you some kudos. Wendy Thanks Wendy - I revised it below: Two vampires with souls Connected by a bauble Their story is gold
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Post by Karen on Nov 18, 2003 22:11:35 GMT -5
To me at least, Karen, this haiku has problems not in terms of its form but in terms of unclear content. Vampires with a soul Connected to one another Their story is gold The second line has 8 syllables, a traditionally acceptable variation. My first trouble is with the last line: I don't know what it means. It's gold instead of green or red (for instance)? It's sold for money? I don't yet see what the precious metal, or the color gold, or money (all meanings of "gold") have to do with anything here. And going by the poem itself, I'd think there were two or more vampires connected via ONE soul. I know that's not what you meant (or I assume it isn't), but it's what you said. So I find the poem unclear and possibly misleading in its content. Your images have to be sharp with so little space to play around in. Yeah it sucked. I revised it above. And the gold - I meant gold as in a treasure.
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Post by Patti - S'cubie Cutie on Nov 18, 2003 22:13:20 GMT -5
Nan, did you read my haiku? Was it ok? Nobody said they liked mine. Now I feel all lonely and stuff. I'm such a praise whore, I know!! Because it's all about me, baby! Your haiku was great, as was your original hot little poem. Don't pay any attention to Diane, I never do.
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Post by Nan-S'cubie Mascot on Nov 18, 2003 22:13:24 GMT -5
Thanks Wendy - I revised it below: Two vampires with souls Connected by a bauble Their story is gold Re my previous analysis, the problem with lines 1 and 2 has now been eliminated. My problem with line 3, in terms of clarity, remains.
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Post by Karen on Nov 18, 2003 22:23:33 GMT -5
Re my previous analysis, the problem with lines 1 and 2 has now been eliminated. My problem with line 3, in terms of clarity, remains. Were you my 5th grade teacher? ;D The torture continues. I'll have to think on it, for clarity = not one of my strong suits.
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Post by Nan-S'cubie Mascot on Nov 18, 2003 22:25:16 GMT -5
My review of 5.7 is finally up at Slayage.com. Better late than never, yeah?
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Post by Patti - S'cubie Cutie on Nov 18, 2003 22:27:30 GMT -5
ARGH! Must vent a moment. . . . In his first full day of office, California Governor (oh, the pain) Arnold Schwartzenegger: 1) Repealed the increase in the car tax, which goes to fund fire departments and police and 2) Proposed borrowing up to $15 billion in order to balance the state budget. Surprise, Arnie - there was no secret book to open up and reveal all the extra money. And boy do I hate it when insanely rich men in positions of power use it to give money to other rich people. GRR, ARGH. Okay, dinner now. As you were. My man Ahnold! Go baby! Yeah! ;D
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Post by Nan-S'cubie Mascot on Nov 18, 2003 22:27:52 GMT -5
Were you my 5th grade teacher? ;D The torture continues. I'll have to think on it, for clarity = not one of my strong suits. I mean the analysis to be all in good nature, assuming you want my honest assessment rather than mere praise. If you want mere praise, you have to warn me in advance. And re 5th grade teacher...so YOU were the one in the back trying to pass notes! Have you figured out where that missing homework went yet? And don't try to tell me the dog ate it or the cat peed on it!
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Post by Shan on Nov 18, 2003 22:30:22 GMT -5
My review of 5.7 is finally up at Slayage.com. Better late than never, yeah? No more reviews until more BIL chapters! In fact, you are no longer allowed to do any work of any kind. Nor eat nor sleep. You may take no more than 4 bathroom breaks every day and you may sleep up to 6 hours in any 24-hour period, but not consecutively. Showering is optional and may be done as often (or not) as you like (see, not so inhumane here). Shanno p.s. My mother says "It's only work if you'd rather be doing something else..."
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Post by Nan-S'cubie Mascot on Nov 18, 2003 22:32:08 GMT -5
I'm posting a very interesting spoiler from Zap2It's TV Gal on the spoiler board. Give me a minute to paste it, then come on over.
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Post by Patti - S'cubie Cutie on Nov 18, 2003 22:32:09 GMT -5
Re my previous analysis, the problem with lines 1 and 2 has now been eliminated. My problem with line 3, in terms of clarity, remains. I understand it. Kind of as in 'dawn goes down to day, nothing gold can stay...' sorta...kinda.
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Post by Wendy on Nov 18, 2003 22:32:34 GMT -5
If any of you were at Dragoncon this year, you may remember hearing Danny Strong (Johnathon) discuss his current aspirations:
DS: I’m also a writer, that’s a huge part of my life, and it’s gonna be... (Applause) Yay, yay. And to be honest with you, I’m kinda pushing in the direction of being more a writer than an actor so I think that’s more of my future. (Applause)
DS: Yeah and I got a book of haikus coming out. No, "Sarah Michelle Gellar: the Lover in Me." (Laughter) What are you all laughing at? It’s a really touching story. 5, 7, 5. (Laughter)
I know he was kidding, but if Danny ever put this book together, it would probably be hysterical. He is just absolutely hilarious. So I say we dedicate all future haiku's to Danny.
Wendy
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Post by Patti - S'cubie Cutie on Nov 18, 2003 22:32:57 GMT -5
My review of 5.7 is finally up at Slayage.com. Better late than never, yeah? LOLOL! Do you think they were reading our posts? Or did you contact them and say 'HEY! WAKE UP!'?
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